Holly Madison Suicidal At Playboy Mansion? New Memoir Sheds Light On Reality Star’s Dark Days With Hugh Hefner

June 11, 2015 | By Garrett Montgomery More

Holly Madison had suicidal thoughts when she was living in the Playboy Mansion. In her new memoir, Madison revealed that she had a boob job, Hugh Hefner allegedly gave her drugs and destroyed her self-esteem, which led her to contemplating suicide.

Holly Madison Suicidal

Holly Madison was suicidal as she lived in the Playboy Mansion, according to her new memoir Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny, which will be out on June 23, 2015.

The book details how a young woman from a little town moved to California, joined Hooters as a waitress, and was invited to the infamous Playboy Mansion to be Hugh Hefner‘s girlfriend. She then became a celebrity and later on, a reality star.

However, it was not all glamorous because she almost ended her life upon realizing that she was being abused by Hefner and the other girls in the home. Here is a brief synopsis of the book:

A spontaneous decision at age twenty-one transformed small-town Oregon girl Holly Sue Cullen into Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner’s #1 girlfriend. But like Alice’s journey into Wonderland, after Holly plunged down the rabbit hole, what seemed like a fairytale life inside the Playboy Mansion—including A-list celebrity parties and her own #1-rated television show for four years—quickly devolved into an oppressive routine of strict rules, manipulation, and battles with ambitious, backstabbing bunnies. Life inside the notorious Mansion wasn’t a dream at all—and quickly became her nightmare. After losing her identity, her sense of self-worth, and her hope for the future, Holly found herself sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide.

In one chapter, Holly Madison, who was Hefner’s girlfriend along with Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt from 2002 to 2008, explained that one night after getting bullied by an unknown person, she tried to drown herself in a bathtub.

However, she did not go through with it because she wanted to live and share her story with others.

“Maybe it was the pot and the alcohol, but drowning myself seemed like the logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading.If I just put my head under water and take a deep breath in, it would all be over. Thankfully the only thing greater than my need to escape was my desire to share my experience. If I sunk my head below the water and went to sleep, no one would ever know the truth.”

Holly Madison also confessed that Hugh Hefner gave her drugs and when she refused, he told her:

“Usually, I don’t approve of drugs, but you know, in the ’70s they used to call these pills thigh openers.”

She also claimed that Hefner spit on her after she cut her long blonde hair, which is when her self-esteem took a hit.

“Prior to moving into the Mansion, I’d been a fairly confident person, but it didn’t take long for my self-worth to crumble.”

The Girls Next Door star fought with the mogul in 2008, when he claimed she was cheating with illusionist Criss Angel, this prompted her to finally leave. Madison is happily married to Pasquale Rotella, 41, and they have a two-year-old daughter named Rainbow.

What are your thoughts on Holly Madison’s confession?


Category: Celebrity

Comments (2)

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  1. ignacio says:

    She went into that house expecting what?It’s the playboy mansion you idiot.

  2. Ironbob says:

    LMAO, all she would have had to do is call me and I would have informed her.

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